Lunar Park: Horror in a Snap ! :)

Lunar Park on a Monday will still be in bed nursing a hangover, with one eye half open, trying to recover from the activities of the past weekend. The quietness will be unsettling. The mood will be tired and dreary, and the boredom will hang so low, you can almost touch it – Even sit with it and buy it a cup of coffee.

The Dragon Boat will be cranky. It will creak at every high pitched sound and the seats will look like they are still hurting from all the weekend action. The raised merry-go-round will be cursing the gentle breeze for feeling like a tornado and the electrical Bumper cars will look like big toy cars on hibernation waiting for the next weekend.

A few things will be out of place. Maybe even a few machines will not have made it past the weekend functional, but you know how it is with kids; there’s no fun unless it’s left broken. Nothing will really look exciting and nothing will stop you from turning back.

Still, you will go in anyway. The five of you. With your heads held high and your sophistication in your back pocket, next to your IDs. You will be counting on your height to help you look young enough to reasonably be at Lunar Park, but old enough for the 3 adult activities they said they had. Mostly though, you will just be the nerdy, amateur thrill seekers out to ‘jump the broom’. Because once you’re on the other side, you can only go to Lunar Park to accompany your nieces and nephews. Then, later on, your kids

Lunar Park is not for everyone. Almost any kid would love it, but you would need to be a different kind of young adult to have a ball there. Still, it is one of those things you should do at least once in your lifetime, before you call yourself an adult. If not for anything else, for the fact that your life might flash before your eyes during the 7 minutes you’re on the Dragon Boat. And you might even find your life’s purpose or see ‘The One’, depending on how you’re wired.

Of the 3 adult activities, the Dragon Boat experience is what will stay with you longest. It will easily come off as the most exciting, and you will even try and negotiate, albeit unsuccessfully, to have more than the allowed 7 minutes.

But the Dragon boat will do things to you – scary, horrifying and life changing things – and you will hardly last half the time.

The Dragon Boat will be shaped like a boat, and will glide effortlessly at the start. It will feel like child’s play, and you will wonder what the big deal was about.

Then, as it gains momentum, the dragon boat will start to creak and screech and then creak some more. You will start to fear that it will fall apart, but that fear will be overridden by the fear that you will fly off your seat. Soon enough, the Dragon Boat will be swinging and swaying so fast, you will forget how it feels to be in control.

Each cycle will feel like the Dragon Boat is about to topple over, but then it will swing back down the arc of the semi-circle to the other end. As it swings back, you will feel like your upper body is left dangling in the air, while the stomach down stretches on with the dragon boat to the other end.

One cycle will have you feeling like your heart is in your stomach. The next will have your stomach in a knot, and you will not even know where your heart is. You will feel like you have trouble breathing and it will scare you so bad, you may actually have trouble breathing. You might even feel like your heart has stopped beating, but the horror on the next cycle will remind you that you are very much alive. And your life might just flash before your eyes at that point.

Three minutes on the Dragon Boat will feel like 180 hours of horror.

You will scream. You will beg. You will try everything to have them stop the Dragon Boat but nothing will work. Fake fainting will  not work – Heck, not even reverse psychology will work on those guys. You did sign up for 7 minutes after all, didn’t you?

The Dragon Boat swings will be so agonizing that you will not even notice the guy taking photos of you from the ground. Not until he tries to sell you those photos when you are still in a trance-like state from the experience.

Those photos will be horror in a snap!  They will be unlike anything you have ever seen before, and they will reveal sides, facial expressions and emotions you did not even know existed.

From those photos, you will realize that one of you actually even cried, even though they will still deny it years later. You will at least acknowledge her crying as a more natural reaction  though, because there will be nothing normal or natural or even beautiful about the reactions on your photos.

In half the snaps, our mouths will be so wide open that your Pyloric sphincter will almost be visible. Your eyes will be so scary wide, you will not even want to stare back, and your ears and cheeks will be wringed out of shape.

I have never seen dragons, but I imagine that the faces you would make when cornered by live dragons are the reason why they called it Dragon Boat.

That Dragon boat will do things to you – scary, horrifying and life changing things – and still be one of your best experiences yet! 🙂




NV Lunar Park:

Location: Nairobi (Next to Railways Sports Club) and Mombasa (at Mamba Village)

Budget: A little over Kshs. 600 for all 3  adult activities. Plenty of activities for Kids ranging from about  Kshs.150. (Subject to change over time. Call numbers available on website to check +254721962926 or +2545720788647 )

Pro tips:  Weekdays are good days to go if you want to avoid crowds. Fridays – Sundays and holidays are busier, could be more fun for the kids. Avoid heavy meals before activities. Parking is available and a restaurant on site for meals.

If you have been on a roller coaster then the Dragon Boat shouldn’t be too bad because it doesn’t turn over. It’s worse than it looks though :-D.

If you’re the ultimate thrill seeker, maybe you should try Bungee Jumping at Sagana, or Sky Diving!

And if you’ve done any or all of these activities, how about you drop a word on the comments section below, or @Smartyannette on Twitter & @Smartyannette_ on IG.

Till next post! 🙂

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